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Some gay or bisexual married men enter covert agreements with their wives that their sexual attraction, sexual activities, and sexual interests will not be discussed. And though a husband may suspect that his wife suspects, he does not tell. This may even be the case with Michael and Virginia. Michael and Virginia, and other couples who adopt this strategy believe that as long as nothing is discussed or made overt, no one will be hurt, no changes will be necessary, and family life can remain status quo.

In some cases, couples are able to negotiate this arrangement with minimal negative impact. Family members know something is not being discussed.

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Relationships are more distant and superficial. Parents and children are more careful.

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And sadly, fathers tend to be less available to their children because on some level, they have removed themselves emotionally from the family. Slowly, he began to discuss his sexual attraction and sexual behaviors more overtly with me and with other men. He continued to be sexual in the ways he had been before. Eventually though, he met men with whom his intention was to have anonymous sex, but these encounters evolved into on-going relationships.

Not all mixed orientation marriages are open. Some men and women acknowledge the difference in their orientations and continue to have sex only with each other. Others in mixed orientation marriages choose celibacy. There was no discussion of Virginia having relationships outside their marriage. Over time for some couples, this arrangement becomes limiting as either the husband or wife meets someone with whom they would like to have a primary relationship.

These couples may separate indefinitely, they may separate knowing that eventually they will divorce, or they may separate and file for divorce simultaneously. For many men with whom I have worked, this is the most feared arrangement. Such a decision requires some explanation to children, extended family, friends and, in some instances, co-workers.

There are also significant financial implications for couples that choose this strategy. Many times, it is the fear of disclosure of judgment, shame, and ostracism in combination with the financial fear of maintaining two households that impedes gay and bisexual married men from moving toward this arrangement.

In some instances, husband and wife share resources that if they divorced, would cause hardship for one member of the couple. As a self-employed graphic designer, if they were to divorce and he tried to acquire a policy for individual health insurance, he would most certainly be rejected due to his HIV status. And though he may be eligible for subsidized programs through the state ICHIP in Illinois, for example , the cost to him both for his premium and then for his medications would be prohibitive.

In addition to the more practical or logistical concerns of separation or divorce, the emotional journey, even in the best of circumstances, is difficult and challenging. For gay or bisexual men, the challenge is to move into a community they have previously denied themselves. For some men, these challenges foster the status quo of marriage. Others see these as difficult but surmountable. What I have learned from these men is that there is no one universal journey gay and bisexual, married, and HIV-positive men should pursue.

I have been surprised when men share frustrating experiences with psychotherapists-many of whom adopt a dichotomous strategy for conceptualizing intervention: Men who have had such experiences are typically wary of me when we first meet. What is my agenda-they wonder.

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Am I invested in helping them remain married despite their sexual attraction to men, or am I invested in helping them divorce despite their desire to stay married at all costs? I have had gay and bisexual men begin therapy with me insisting they will never divorce who ultimately decide to divorce. I have also, however, worked with gay and bisexual men who came to me seeking to divorce but then decided to remain married.

I have found that the one agenda I do support is the agenda of increased authenticity, though this may manifest differently for each man-and may even manifest differently for the same man at different periods of time in his life.

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